Monday, January 16, 2006

Rate Cutter 2006- Captain's Comments

A little background for the Newbies:

My name is Timmy Evans. I am a very sick little boy who lives on Hilton Head Island.
My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.
I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, " Don't cry, Mommy and " and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this story to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this story to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over North America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.
Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.
Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10
If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell.
What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me.
I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank You,
Timmy

From a Service Provider point of view, 2006 promises to be a struggle . While we welcome back a stalwart in Lee, we realize it will be tough to stop the insurer juggernaut. In addition to being very talented golfers, it also seems they have no conscience when it comes to handicapping. I suppose I will expand on this theme later, but for now let me say how nice it is to be back from down under and looking forward to kicking off the golf season the first week of April.

The new house looks tremendous-congratulations to Michel for his superior negotitation skills. (See paragraph 1) I am also looking forward to seeing new and old faces amd to getting back to some of my favourite golf courses on Hilton Head Island.

Michel advises that there are 74 days left before departure, so I was suprised to see so many emails flying around today. It illustrates a) how juvenile we are, and b) how much we look forward to this trip.

Now that Somerville seems to have a lock on the individual trophy, let us turn our attention to the beloved Stingray Cup. I realized that despite 3 successive victories, I had left the team to Bruce in a shambles. There was no way he could be prepared for the ruthless way in which the Insurer captain conducts himself. I could only imagine the cigar smoke atmosphere in the back rooms where he and his minions plotted how they could take advantage of Bruce's good nature. The natural inclination is to look at them as our friends. But looks are deceiving!

For the newbies, I have added some candid photos of your captain so you may have a better idea of what you are getting yourselves into.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home